amedee's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just catching up.. Hey guys...I had an okay time on the band trip. It was fun because Mariah was there. I got back on Monday and I'm sorry i haven't written. My dad still isn't talking to me. I'm sad about that. I need to join all the diaryrings I was on in my old diary stll..I'll get around to that eventually. I'm really worried about Nicole and Eric. She keeps making excuses for what they are doing. I know it just happens but if it only happens when they are alone then they shouldn't be alone. Tina is more worried then I am. Nicole has been trying to get a hold of me by phone and that doesn't happen often we usually talk online, so I'm afraid somethng happened. I hope nothing did. I'm really worried about her. I can't help it. Worrying is something I need to stop doing. I can't live her life for her but I try to tell her what to do. I'm not telling her anything that she doesn't already know...I just don't understand why she doesn't listen to God. I'm afraid the old Niocle is back and taking over. It worries me. Even since she started going back out with Eric things have been changing. Things she has said aren't true anymore. She's changing in a negative way. The big part of it is that Eric will do whatever she asks him to do. That , I have recently noticed, isn't always a good quality to have in a guy. He needs to have a backbone and be strong enough to say no. Tina said I'd be a good girl for him..I thought that was funny. No guy will ever get anywhere with me until he takes me down the isle she said..she knows me well. lol. Anyway..I hope it's just that she wants to talk to me. Last weekend since I was on the band trip I didn't get to go to church..I missed communin (spelled wrong, I know). I was kinda upset..lol. Today I had my first appointment with my conselor. She's really great. Her name is Dr. Young. I like her. Nothing happened. SHe was just getting to know about my situation and why I was referred to her. She seems a lot like me. I'm happy she was the one I ended up with. Lately I've been feeling really lonely. I dunno why, maybe it's becuase I haven't been going to school because I'm on break. I just feel sad. My dad called last night and talked to mom about the taxes. She is going to claim me or something this year. He made me feel bad about the Ohio thing again. He talked to be for almost a minute adn asked me about the band trip. I told him it was fun and I thanked him for paying so I could go. Then I said I love you..you know like how you usually say when you get off the phone and he said "yeah" and hung up. My father hates me. Why? I don't feel God's love right now. I was so happy last week because my friend Ashley got saved and now I feel really unloved for some reason. I don't get it. Whenever something reason awesome and powerful happens that makes me renew my faith all over again and reminds me why I love God..I end up feel worse than I did days before that. The better I feel, the worse i feel later. Satan's really got it in for me doesn't he. I'll just pray more and read more. Haha, Satan take that! lol. My Uncle Bob sent me a package from Ohio a couple days ago. I got a lot of my stuff back. I'm thankful for him. He's being really awesome to me ever after all the crap I caused this summer. He's being a better uncle than my dad is being a father. I don't want to resent my father but it's getting really close. I'm going to work on my template for a while... Blessings, Ash 6:08 p.m. - 2004-04-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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